How Hiding Yourself is Selling Your Voice Short
The more you hide in your life, the more you stifle your voice.
And boy do we get good at hiding, huh?
We can label it as many things.
Perfectionism.
Shyness.
High standards.
Putting our best foot forward.
Not wanting to seem too “showy”.
Being professional.
Being palatable, accessible or commercially viable.
Now I’m not saying let your work ethic slide, amp up some arrogance or mouth off at those you’re working with. Not at all.
But what I am asking of you is notice where you’re watering yourself down.
Where you’re holding your tongue when your gut is begging you not to.
Where you’re wrestling emotions into submission so they don’t show a quiver in your voice.
Where you pretend your past doesn’t exist to project a shiny exterior.
Where you’re acting out of integrity with yourself just to impress someone.
And we all do it.
Two things I know singers everywhere ache for?
Confidence and authenticity.
To feel comfortable in your own skin.
What you usually DON’T WANT though, is to wade through the shit storm that makes that happen.
Opening up Pandora’s box.
And who could blame you? There’s a whole lot in our respective boxes that we’d rather forget right?
BUT you can’t get real depth, rawness or feel genuine without looking at the pieces you deem to be unworthy.
I can almost hear you GULP through the screen.
Stay with me.
THE GOLD IS IN THE CONTRAST
Do you notice how you revere and admire someone who has the courage to be vulnerable?
Especially in their music or on stage?
How you can hear that it’s not just an act?
How moved you can feel when an artist truly shares their pain or their life experience with you?
It’s obvious just by the expressions on their face or the goosebumps on your skin.
And on the flip side of that, how awkward you feel when you’re forcing an emotion or trying to pretend that you’re a more confident, cooler version of yourself (which of course makes you feel 10 x more dorky)?
SELF OWNERSHIP AND SOVEREIGNTY
I feel the most at ease when I embrace everything it means to be me.
The experiences I’ve loved and those that make me wince.
My strengths, my flaws, my wisdom and my naivety.
And you’d better believe that self ownership and sovereignty gets FELT.
On stage, in auditions, in the recording studio and in day to day life.
YOU
Believe me when I tell you that I'm more interested in who you are at home when nobody's watching than at a party.
Who you are right before you close your eyes at the end of the day.
Who you are OFF social media.
The person behind the filter.
The parts you leave out of your posts.
The heaviness you bury so as not to worry or bring anyone down.
And the brightness that you dull so nobody will think you're bragging.
Because I know that’s where your most honest, brave, artistic self is waiting.
For me, it's…
How I sold myself short in my 20s.
The way I dance for myself, relishing the way the fabrics of my clothes caress my skin.
How proud I am of the life I've built in the last decade.
The fact that I'm insecure about my body.
The guilt over enjoying the slowness in the last couple of weeks.
The anger, hurt and frustration over my health in the last six months.
The way I filter my sensuality for PG audiences.
The way I second and third guess myself before I press publish.
The words I write but save for myself.
The way I love, deeply love, those in my orbit.
I’m most interested in
What you’re hiding behind all that singing technique.
What you think you’re protecting by clenching your jaw.
Who you long to be after a couple of red wines but dismiss as “pipe dreams” in the sober light of day.
The pieces you hide are amongst the most beautiful and interesting.
You can keep them to yourself but please don't keep them in the dark.
Your shadows are extraordinary.
Embrace them.
And notice how your voice and your presence shift and open up once you do.
